Anxiety ZombiesI have many reasons to make music, some of which are tied tightly to who I am as a person. So the process of selling my music sometimes makes me feel uncomfortably exposed.

The subject matter of my songs is not what I am afraid of exposing. True, much of it is very personal, but I wouldn’t have written songs about it if I didn’t want to express it. And it’s not that I’m afraid of being rejected. Some amount of rejection is inevitable in a subjective field like music and I’ve done my best to prepare for it.

But it’s like the difference between keeping naked pictures of yourself in an envelope, thinking that you may someday let someone else see them, and walking naked into a room full of people you don’t know. Yikes!

The act of making music brings me to an essential place, a place where I can look at myself and my life and feel whole. Music is my golden shadow, my ideal state, me at my clearest and most compelling. It is not a conscious thing, some earphones-152470_640projection of my will. It happens naturally, this feeling of grace, and no matter what the emotional color of the music, it fills me with joy.

So how do I reconcile this magical thing with the world of money and image? I’m still working on that.

Picture Credit – OpenClipartVectors

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It’s obvious that when the apocalypse comes, I will be one of the weak people. I will have no spin kicks with which to defend myself. I will have only the magic of my words and my understanding to protect me. I will be meat for the beast. (Unless I can engage him in conversation.) And I am fine with that. If my death at monstrous hands becomes imminent, I hope I can meet it in a lounge chair, sipping on a gin martini.

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