My Tribe – Witch

She sent the black tree frog to sit in front of me. Like a miniature black hole, he absorbed anything negative that the light expelled. At the height of the storm, he glowed the deep electric purple of a blacklight. I could feel him eating all my fear. Then he hopped away.

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My Tribe

It took a variety of personal tools for me to survive the idea of cancer. A cancer diagnosis is difficult to live with because it holds the possibility of your own death up to your face every day, without fail. After the initial shock and the sheer force of emotional will required to process it, you are faced with the slow torture of doubt, fear, and the relentless shadow of recurrence, even if you are currently cancer-free. But there is hope!

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Journal on Healing

I think I try to label this sadness as other things. I call it fear about recurrence or about money. I call it discomfort when I feel I’m not taking care of the site or my body in general. I blame it on my medications or my hormones. I classify it as something old that should have been dealt with already. Imagine that!

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The Scary Stuff

I pay lip service to taking care of myself, but I don’t really do it. I pretend that I’m taking enough breaks and giving myself time to relax, but I’m not really doing either. I compulsively take responsibility for too much because I believe no one else can. I believe I have to step up, because that’s what responsible people do. And that belief is slowly killing me.

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