When I watch movies and TV shows now, my reaction is more often than not, “Thank god I don’t have to deal with that!” When I go to work at my office, no one is trying to kill me because I know too much. When I come home in the evening, I have no terrible secret to hide from my loving husband. And he is exactly what he seems to be.
Imagine instead that the thugs suddenly drop their guns, their faces quizzical, their blinding rage wiped away by a wave of tranquility. They are not sedated into unconsciousness to arise later still bitter, but rather awakened entirely from their cold trance of hatred. They can feel again.
I can run around, waving my glove after each crack of the bat, hoping to broaden my chances of catching the ball by some tiny percentage. Or I can pick a spot in the middle somewhere, put my glove in my lap, and write some poems. Or eat a pretzel.
I tried to empty myself of my feelings of betrayal. I tried to concentrate on other areas of my life. I tried to breathe and relax and be present through yoga and music. I wanted to be filled with peace again. Filled with light and love, sated by food and liquor, fulfilled by fresh air! But I failed.
The multiplication of the triangles within the circle can continue infinitely, causing the outline around them to be infinitely long. Yet that outline will never cross to the outside of the circle. Infinity inside a finite space. Yup.
We found ourselves involved in conversations wherever we happened to be sitting at the time, because there was nowhere we had to be. No email we had to answer. No Facebook we had to check. I was constantly fighting the feeling that I had to cut the conversation short even though I didn’t and that made me realize that the computer has become too powerful a force in my life.